So if you want to know some duh-proof cleaning advice I would follow these I did put in the sarcasm in {"0_o"}
Vegetable Oil
Original purpose: Frying up a tasty batter. {Or for those women wrestling teams or for that special guy that just got too weird for you . }
Aha! Use: Shining leather shoes. Use a damp cloth to wipe away dirt, then apply a small drop of oil to a soft cloth and rub the surface to remove scuff marks.
Reward: A polished look from heel to toe. {well now you dont have to worry about getting oil on those thigh high black leather boots when you grind it to him hooray for S&M!}
Lemonade Kool-Aid
Original purpose: Quenching your thirst. {Or making cheap popsicles in the freezer because mom is too cheap to let you buy anything from the ice cream van! Thanks mom! OH YEAAAH! }
Aha! Use: Cleaning lime deposits and iron stains inside the dishwasher. Pour a packet of lemonade Kool-Aid (the only flavor that works) into the detergent cup and run the (empty) dishwasher.
Reward: Citric acid in the mix wipes out stains; you don't have to. {All this time, my mom has been shoving citric acid down my throat as a treat? Where is a child protective service when you need them?}
Mesh Vegetable Bag
Original purpose: Toting home potatoes, onions, and tomatoes on the vine.
Aha! Use: Scrubbing up after dinner. Cut ends open, scrunch, and add soap and water.
Reward: After a gooey Mac-and-cheese cleanup, you can throw this freebie sponge away guilt-free. {Until a little happy dolphin finds it in the ocean and chokes on it you murderer!}
Lint Roller
Original purpose: Restoring your black turtleneck to its fuzz-free glory.
Aha! Use: Dusting a lamp shade. Run the roller up and down the outside to get rid of small particles that shouldn't be there.
Reward: The satisfaction of knowing that every surface in your living room will pass the white-glove test. {Sounds better than throwing it into the bath tub }
Lemon
Original purpose: Adding zing to soups or salad dressings. {Or squirting it to the guys eyes, whose sitting right across from you on the table at the chow hall boy, those things got to sting!}
Aha! Use: Removing tough food stains from light wood and plastic cutting boards. Slice a lemon in half, squeeze onto the soiled surface, rub, and let sit for 20 minutes before rinsing.
Reward: A house that smells like a lemon grove rather than chemicals. {But what would go into my ice tea?}
Baking Soda as Silver-Polisher
Original purpose: Making cakes rise. {Does anyone bake nowadays?}
Aha! Use: Polishing silver. Wash items, and then place on aluminum foil in the bottom of a pot. Add a baking-soda solution (1/4 cup soda, a few teaspoons salt, 1 quart boiling water) to cover for a few seconds.
Reward: A chemical reaction that gets the black off the gravy boat. {Wait you can afford to eat with silver silverware but not enough to by silverware polish???? Where are your priorities?}
Salt
Original purpose: Unlocking flavor in your favorite dishes. {Also to pour some into open wounds }
Aha! Use: Cleaning up a spilled egg. Heap a handful of salt on the mess, leave for two minutes or so, and then wipe up.
Reward: The egg sticks to one paper towel instead of sliding off five or six. {But thats what dogs are for! Lick it up Sparky!}
Coasters
Original purpose: Keeping wet glasses from making rings on Mom's mahogany coffee table. {Or playing a game of indoor Frisbee fight, which results with something breaking or until some loses an eye }
Aha! Use: Catching escaping drips of sticky stuff from bottles and jars in cupboards.
Reward: Shelves that don't require a full wipe-down after every spoonful of honey slather of jam, or glug of olive oil. {Honestly my mom does do this! Amazing! They stole her idea wait are these people stalking my mom?}
Cooking Oil
Original purpose: A hot bath for fried foods. {Or using it for womens wrestling but not S&M I hear that cooking oil is not good for the leather straps what??? Why the weird look? Everyone knows that!}
Aha! Use: Removing adhesive from glasses. Apply cooking oil to the sticker using a paper towel or a soft cloth, rub firmly, and then rinse with warm, soapy water. (If the adhesive is stubborn, use a dab of toothpaste along with the oil.)
Reward: Goo Gone be goneone less cleaning product to buy. {Oil and glass . Well with my coordination skills, I foresee many accidents and buying more glasses }
Car Wax
Original purpose: Shining up the sedan. {WAX ON- WAX OFF Daniel-san!}
Aha! Use: Polishing faucets, sinks, tile, even shower doors. Turtle Wax leaves behind a protective barrier against water and soap buildup, so your hard-earned sparkle will last past the next tooth-brushing.
Reward: A gleaming bathroom all week long.
{WHOA-WHOA-WHOA THERE! OK, am I the only one that does not foresee a major problem with that advice? You put car wax in the bath room and you will end up like that lady from the LIFE-ALERT commercial help I cant get up! and when you go to the hospital with a concussion, and tell the doctor that you put car wax in the shower well, he might think you already had brain damage to begin with there, geniuses!}
Newspaper as Food-Container Deodorizer
Original purpose: Daily source for information. {Or as we see nowadays, with the internet news its a daily source for coupons }
Aha! Use: Food-container deodorizer. Stuff a balled-up piece of newspaper into a plastic container, seal it, and let sit overnight. By morning the paper will have absorbed food smells.
Reward: That lingering curry scent is yesterday's news. {oh yeah.. Im going to put a dirty news paper where I eat what do they think Im keeping in there? Crawdads?}
{well that was my bit of advice and opinion and what I just read feel free to input more info and watch as I pick on you mercilessly till you cry and I taste your tears of shame! Mwahahahahaha!}
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Clubs I'm in:






--
F**** MY LIFE
--
We're all mad here!
your only fat if you weigh over 300lb
what fools these mortals be!
...that's like saying he-man is straight
--
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.---(Sam Levenson)
--
We're all mad here!
your only fat if you weigh over 300lb
what fools these mortals be!
...that's like saying he-man is straight
--
This is my melody
And it's just a ravers fantasy
But I know
If you're in love with me tonight
Ravin though the night
- Tune Up!
I believe in Jesus Christ as my personal Savior
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